This has to be the hardest thing I've done, pretty close to EVER. It's brutally honest, I'm being incredibly vulnerable, and I swear that if anyone even thinks about saying anything negative, SHAME ON YOU! I will not tolerate that kind of thing here, so DO NOT post anything, or say anything that is likely to hurt my feelings. I'm not sharing myself to be ridiculed, I'm sharing myself so that I can inspire someone else who might be struggling like me, and hopefully finally reach my goal as a result. I am scared to death of being laughed at, and to be SEEN like this. It's almost more than I can stand, but somehow I feel like it has to be done. I hope I'm not wrong!
As I look back at my life, I can never recall a time that I ever had the slim six pack. However up until having my first baby, I was always on the slim side. I don't THINK I'm heavy boned, but genetically all the ladies in my family carry all their weight in the middle. Tummy!! Not even hips so much, but literally all in the tummy, and back, as is clear from my pictures.
I wish I could tell you exactly how my body became like this. I mean I've always thought that I eat pretty good, and in terms of healthy organic food we do. We have been for almost 10 years now. I cook a lot, we don't eat much processed food at home, and I kind of tricked myself to believe that we don't really eat out a lot. BUT we do. We used to anyway! I'm trying to change that.
Food, I love food. No doubt about it. I know portion control was never a strong point for me, I would eat what I wanted, and as much as I wanted, and that was that! I've never been on a diet before, yup, NEVER. Most days I would eat 2-3 times a day, and pig out at each meal. Why because I was always hungry, WHY, because I wasn't feeding my body often enough.
I also tricked myself into believing we ate enough fruit and veggies, and the reality is not true. Again, something I'm trying to change. Mostly the veggies.
Also we can't forget about exercise, or my lack of to be exact. Once upon a time back in the day, way back in the day I used to really love working out. Then I had kids. Enough said!
However about 5 years ago I took my first YOGA class, and have been hooked ever since. I simply love everything about it, but even then it's been an on and off practice for me. Hardly practicing everyday which I could easily do even at home if I were serious about it. We have TWO gym memberships, yes TWO - and I have not put either to use for almost a year. Clearly shame on me.
Never enjoyed running, but will try. Never could do many sit ups, or push ups, and am slowly working on getting stronger everyday! I'm seriously sore from trying!
A little over a year ago I started Tae Kwon Do with my youngest, in hopes of getting fit, and eventually becoming a black belt like my other older two kids. I JUST made it to my 3rd belt, YELLOW a week ago. You know why, because we didn't go much this past year.
Yes, my friends. This past year I have EASILY put on, again I say EASILY....... 15 pounds. Not that I regularly weight myself, so Im not sure, but I HAVE NEVER EVER EVER EVER been more than 180 pounds, and that was when I was going to the hospital 9 months pregnant, getting ready to give birth to a big ol baby!!
The last time I actually remember weighing myself I was around 170 pounds.
Ok, so bottom line is this is what I look like now, and you know what??? It's not much different than what my tummy looked like last year or the year before, or at any other time the past 13 years. Ever since having my firstborn.
I know for a fact simply by trying on clothes, that I've gained a crap load more than I was even after having my second kiddo, my beautiful daughter. I can't even get some jeans up my thighs that I wore 2 months after having her a little over 8 years ago.
I have yet to actually take some proper measurements with a tape measure, maybe I'll get to that this week. I also want to take some pics with the clothes I'd like to eventually fit into again. You know as a huge visual so you can see far I have yet to go.
Again my apologies if you find this post full of my before pics gross. I even made them black and white, because somehow they don't look AS BAD that way.
My number one advice for anyone of you who are trying to get healthier, is to TAKE SOME BEFORE PICS. I know that posting them for everyone to see might not be your thing, and I never thought I'd have the courage to do so myself. AT least without having a good AFTER pic to show along side it. BUT the time has come for me to get REAL here. There is simply no hiding how I look, even if I can somehow make it look less noticeable with my clothes on. You can't EXACTLY see all my rolls, all the fat, all that unhealthiness, but you know it's there. My family sees it, my kids see it, and my gosh, I see it every day!!
Enough is enough!
I need to take responsibility for my own body, for my own health, and if this doesn't get my butt moving, then I don't know what will.
I can't even imagine the feeling of defeat knowing I posted these pictures, and won't work hard enough to show you what one can do if they truly put their mind to it. I don't want to be a failure, not at this. Not anymore.
PLEASE help me, with any encouraging words you can give. PLEASE refrain from sharing any magic diet, or pills, or things like that with me. I'm sorry but I want to do it eating REAL food, and working out. That's it!
Here are the pics, outlined by date, and any other details I jotted down at the time. Nothing magical happening so far, but that's OK. I still have 4 weeks to go, on THIS challenge, and lots to work on still. I've started, and this is my beginning!!
- Wednesday - Day 3/40
- 8:58 am
- My 3rd day of the challenge, first time at the gym in almost a year, getting ready for my YIN YOGA class, which was fabulous by the way.
- For the sake of being brutally honest, I'm baring my entire belly for you all to see. Usually I pull my pants over my tummy, so it kind of smushes it in, you know what I'm talking about, right? However that would not be really how I look. So all pics will be taken with the full tummy out, as unpleasant as it is for me.
- About fainted when I saw the numbers on the scale. It was SCARY to say the least!
- Then I went to get some other measurements on my body fat and bmi. Again, all signs lead to OBESE.... yup. I'm literally in the obese category now. Pretty much depressing, if I were to let it get me down. Instead I'm choosing to DEAL with it, and work hard to get healthy. Much better if I do say so myself :)
- Here I am in the changing stall, getting ready to bare it all.
- I've just finished my yoga class.
- 11:35 am
- I'm so nervous!!
- Good GOD, please help me. This is my body now, and I know I need to love it, but I don't. I simply don't. I do know that I MUST cherish it though, it is the only one I will ever have, and if I don't start treating it better, it can't take care of me.
- I need to appreciate that I am "healthy" and strong. I am CAPABLE of doing so much more, and I must do it. Stop taking this great gift for granted. I know there are so many who would give anything to HAVE a body full of potential.
- A body, that although has been neglected, is just WAITING for another opportunity to shine.
- This is my BACK.... I really hate that I have rolls even on my back. Just another thing I really need to work on. I'm hopeful that one day it will be gone!
- My weight after yoga class, wearing a bathing suit, holding my cell.
- After going to the spa, steam room, and sauna.
- 12:15 pm
- Just to prove a point. I want you to see why I don't recommend using the scale as your only measurement of progress. Within a couple hours, I literally LOST 2 pounds. Amazing right?
- This weight was taken only in my undies a couple minutes after the one above. You see, just that bathing suit was weighing me down a whole pound :)
- Friday - Day 5/40
- 10:34 am
- Bathing suit and cell phone
- After Slow Burn Yoga
- Before Sauna
- With clothes on :) Pretty deceptive. Gotta love those tight workout clothes, but you know what? I don't want to LOOK less fat because of what I'm wearing, or putting on a some spanx. I want to look less fat because I truly am less fat, you know what I'm saying!!!
- This was taken right after my SLOW BURN yoga class, and yeah it was hard.
- 11:20 am
- Barely any visible difference in two days.
- Or is there? I think that MAYBE there is a little less bloating? What do you think?
- Getting ready to go detox in the sauna, and hot tub, and steam room - my favorite.
- After the detox steam rooms, and after peeing, and after drinking LOTS of water, this was my weight. Obviously it's water weight, I'm sweating like crazy in there, but it's really good. All those toxins are just coming out through the sweat. Just make sure to stay hydrated. I drink LOTS and LOTS and LOTS of water. :)
- Undies and cell phone only
- Monday - Day 8/40
- 11:32 am
- With clothes on after yoga
- HELLO,,,, can you guys see this. WOW,,, what happened. Seriously 4 pounds in 2 days?
- Weekends have been challenging for me.
- With everyone home, I've been having a hard time staying on SCHEDULE.
- No gym, no yoga, no schedule.
- Eating with the family, especially the hubby, does not help.
- Plus I didn't drink any green tea over the weekend.
- Plus I didn't eat early, within 30 minutes, and often enough.
- So many things went wrong this weekend, and LOOK what happened.
- After sauna, undies and cell phone only.
- 11:52 am
- Wednesday - Day 10/40
- 9:55 am
- I got to the gym a couple minutes late today, and my yoga class was FULL. I couldn't go in.
- I came unprepared to do anything else, I was only wearing my flip flops. Bo hoo.
- Before sauna, undies and cell only.
- So since I missed my workout, and was already at the gym, I decided to have a day of pampering. Most definitely not planned, but very much needed. It was GREAT!
- This was me before my facial :)
- After my facial :)
- I had a nice full body massage after this.
- Then I went and got a mani/pedi.
- A lovely day indeed!
- Thursday - Day 11/40
- 1:55 pm
- After HOT YOGA and sauna, undies and cell only.
- Friday - yesterday - Day 12/40
- I didn't weigh myself. I was in a rush after my yoga class to get to my hair appointment.
- Got my bangs cut again, what do you think?
- Then I came home to some BEAUTIFUL flowers by the front door.
- It was a LOVELY surprise from my hubby!
- Here are some final thoughts:
- Remember friends life is full of ups and downs, just like my weight has been.
- I know this past week hasn't gone as well as I had planned.
- I know I need to do better, because I know I can.
- I still feel better, I still am proud of myself for trying.
- I still have a LONG way to go.
- I don't know if my tummy will ever be flat, even if I really HOPE it can be.
- I Desperately want my back fat to disappear, but know it can't happen overnight. I accept that!
- As long as I keep at it, results will come. They have to!
- Life is beautiful, and I have so much to be thankful for.
- If you made it to the end, WOW... I hope you've gotten a small peak into my life.
- My struggles, my insecurities, and if they are your's too, then know you are not alone.
- I HOPE more than anything to reach my goal.
- If I can inspire any of you to work towards your goals, then all this was worth it.
- Remember if you don't have anything NICE to say, PLEASE don't say anything at all.
- If you want to leave me some words of ENCOURAGEMENT, thank you!!
- I truly hope you all have a wonderful day!
- Enjoy every last drop of it, for every moment is precious.
- If you have been waiting to get healthy, I HOPE I've inspired you to do it NOW!