Tuesday, September 6, 2011

LMM and a not so nice anonymous comment got me thinking.....

So while checking my facebook feed this morning, I read a little update about a post LMM did on a farmers market dinner. Oh and a anonymous not so nice comment left by someone. It got me thinking. Here's what I think about it all, and a little confession from me to you. 
First of all let me say that the post the comment was left on, was NOTHING but real. I personally love reading Ashley's blog, and while we may differ in SO many ways, we are totally the SAME in so many as well. To list all those would take forever, but the MAIN thing I can relate too is all her honest, goofy, silly, confessions of being a mother. I love her writing style, and the way she puts her words on paper (blog). I love the way she captures little moments in little W's life, and writes him letters. I love that she is ALWAYS poking fun at herself. 

It is so easy to look at her beautiful smile, and wonderful pictures, and think she has it all. Too think that she is perfect, and always looks amazing. While she may have MAD photography skills, and is just naturally adorable with her incredible smile, I never once look at her, and think she tries to hard. Or is somehow showing us a side of her that is less than who she is. 

I know that blogging, can often make you want to share the more enjoyable, wonderful, lovely sides of your life. Nobody really wants to hear about how depressed you are, or constantly read negative posts on a regular basis. However when bloggers share these sides of their life, and are open about struggles that they encounter, readers are incredibly supportive, and can often relate. 

The same way we don't want to share nasty pictures with friends and family, we don't purposely look to share crappy pictures on our blogs either. Some of us may have better cameras, but no matter what, we all try to post the best picture possible, RIGHT? So why is it so wrong that Ashley posted incredible pictures, of an incredible dinner she hosted with her friends. She worked hard at it, and she wanted to share it. Yes, blogging had something to do with it. Yes, I'm sure she was excited to share the dinner with her readers. Yes, I'm sure she would have preferred to have everything PERFECT, but instead she kept it real, and shared the good, the bad, and the UGLY. 

Just like anyone else, I had to go find this anonymous comment for myself, and see what all the fuss was about. I'm glad Ashley didn't delete it, but I'm also sad to see all the other comments after that. 

This is my confession. 
LMM, Ashley I heart you, I really REALLY do. However I can see in a small way how that person could have said what she said, and now let me explain. 

By no FAULT of your own, it is very easy to look at your blog, and be envious, jealous, wish to have your perfect life. EVEN knowing it is not perfect, because I DO READ your blog, lol. My brain doesn't always register the negative things, when I look at your blog, I ALWAYS see perfection, even when you are showing us your Farmer John outfit for example. You showed us how frumpy you can look, and all I saw was, DANG she looks good, I WISH I could look that good dressed like a farmer, lol. 

When you talk about your hair problems, I SEE the bald spots, BUT again, think well shoot, if thats what she looks like with bald spots, I wish I had them too, she is still 10 times more beautiful than I could ever be. I'm not saying that I have low self esteem, I really don't (seriously I don't, lol ) these are just quick thoughts that go through my brain, at the moment, and I don't think them in a bad way, because I seriously love ya girl, it's just what I have noticed with myself. I would never go say anything bad about you, because I have nothing BAD to say, I really LOVE your blog, but I CAN understand how someone might think that your blog is TOO perfect. In a weird kind of way, it IS. You are just perfect. Even when you are NOT, you just have a way to express yourself in the most PERFECT way, that it doesn't matter what you share with us, we are all like jaw dropping, and saying once again, how AWESOME you are. Well most of us anyway, clearly some people express themselves differently. 

When you got your new blog design, I must ADMIT, I was like SOOOOO jealous. I mean for real girl, your blog is awesome, AWESOME, amazingly AWESOME. I got so down on myself, I almost quite blogging, lol. Just feeling so not good enough. I know it sucks, but I also know I wasn't the only one. I'm sure MANY of us, loved your blog, but hated it too, just because it made us feel like ours sucked so bad. Again, it was NEVER like, I can't stand LMM anymore, it was just a natural feeling of wanting to have a fabulous blog too. You worked HARD, like REALLY, REALLY hard to get where you are at right now in your blog, and girl you deserve it so much. SO please don't think I have any ill feelings for you. I don't. My friend Magda said it best. She told me, she looks at MY blog for example and wishes her blog looked half as good, but instead of feeling down on herself, she just knows where to come for inspiration when she wants to redo her blog. I think that was the sweetest thing EVER, and it's so true. 

We as bloggers, are always comparing, (wether we like it or not) our blogs, our projects, ourselves to other people out there, in the blog world. I think that's natural. I think that will never change, but we do need to take a step back, and really understand what we want out of our blog. Why we read other blogs, and  why in the world we would leave comments that are hurtful to others. This by the way INCLUDES all the comments left for the anonymous commenter. While it's natural to side with Ashley, and stick up for her, I think we need to try to understand WHY that blogger felt she needed to leave such a comment. 

I shared with you how I feel sometimes reading LMM, and I can KIND of understand in a very small way what the commenter was saying, but she had a HORRIBLE way of expressing herself. Although it is very possible that all the effort in the world to understand where she was coming from, would not matter, and she would just be a negative person, it is also possible that once you got to know her, she could just be a very lonely troubled person, who looks to you (Ashley) for inspiration, and somehow feels let down, for whatever reason. Unfortunately the bigger your blog gets, the more readers expect of you, and it's just something we need to deal with as bloggers. I wish that no such comments would ever be left in the first place, but more than that, I have to admit, that the way it gets handled shows me a lot about the blogger, and other people. 

I hope that the next time any of us deal with a nasty, hurtful comment, we can take a step back, and TRY to understand where that person was coming from, and think twice before leaving nasty comments for the nasty commenter. Two wrongs have never made a right. I am not a church going person, and I can't stand hearing people get all preachy on me, and THEN go read nasty, hurtful comments they have left for someone they have no clue about, you know. I know the anonymous commenter left the nasty comment FIRST, and you felt justified in lashing back, but trust me, it's not ok.

 Not to take this to such an extreme, BUT I truly believe that our blogging community needs to be ENCOURAGING, and more sensitive, not so quick to judge. For all we know the person who left that comment, could be in REALLY dark, lonely place in her life, and today could have been the day we could have HELPED her feel better, OR pushed her to further destruction in her life. 

I sure hope that Ashley is OK, we don't REALLY know how those comments effect her. Just because she laughed it off, or made it sound like it didn't really matter, doesn't mean she didn't pull the crap out of her hair, and let it really get her down. It doesn't mean that once again, she felt like blogging just wasn't worth it anymore. She has already been going through a rough time trying to balance everything in her life, without losing focus on what REALLY matters most to her. I hope she can keep her head up high, and keep doing what she's doing, because so many of us look up to her, and just love her so much. 

I also hope that the anonymous commenter, is OK. I hope that whatever she was feeling at the time when she wrote that comment, gets resolved. I hope that she stops looking at other peoples lives (as easy as it is to do so) and compare it to her own, or WISH that she could have that too. Or maybe she could care less about having LMM life, and be truly the happiest person ever, in which case, it would make EVEN less sense why she would feel compelled to read such a blog, or leave a comment in the first place, which leaves to to believe that somewhere deep inside, SHE does long to have a happier, more perfect life. We all do, trust me, but sweety, there are better ways to get there. I hope that people can be kinder to you, even though you aren't so kind to them all the time. I hope that you don't make it a habit leaving comments like that, nothing good can come if it. Go outside, take a deep breath, and then look in the mirror. I bet you are more beautiful than you know. Show the world that beauty girl, and say kind things, even if it's REALLY hard. The harder it is, the sweeter it will be, coming out of your mouth, or in this case, showing up on a comments section. Don't be afraid to express yourself, BUT find a way to do it in a less hurtful way. If I could give you a hug, I would. Hugs are good! I hope you have a wonderful day, HONESTLY, and please don't take all those comments to heart, none of those people know you, but they do know LMM, and they were just sticking up for their friend. I bet if you came out, and tried to express yourself, everyone would be supportive of you girl. I just know they would be. 

Anyway I kind of said way too much here, and I hope that  nobody gets angry with me, BUT I had something to say, and this wouldn't all fit in a comments section, lol. 

P.s. I LOVE you all, and really think we all could learn a thing or two about being kinder, including me ALWAYS. SO lets try harder shall we? Even with something as silly as leaving comments on a blog, words are so powerful, so lets choose them wisely. Truly love one another, be kind, and be happy. You are beautiful, you are special, you are amazing. Remember that next time you long to be someone else, or have more in life. Everything can come and go, all we have is our minds, our attitudes, and the way we CHOOSE to deal with everyday life. Its not easy, it's not fair, but it is the ONLY thing we can control in our lives, so lets do the best we can with OURSELVES, since we can only change OURSELVES. Spread the love people, be true, and others will follow!!

10 comments:

  1. I love what you said here! Seriously, I couldn't have said it better myself. And I too can learn the lesson to not compare my life to others' like we all seem to do at times. I especially like that you stuck up for the anonymous commenter and gave us some perspective on what she might be going through to have left such a ridiculous and possibly hurtful comment in the first place. No need to gang up on someone who's obviously already in pain.

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  2. Bella...taking that paragraph, above, and writing about the anonymous commenter in such a compassionate way...it just reminds me of why I truly do like you so, so much.

    It's so easy to jump all over someone and be super defensive and critical, basically, condemning the same actions by repeating them. When I read that comment I thought that the person basically had a valid point but put it across all wrong.
    It's this whole, " Everything you do is fabulous and amazing and you are basically a God to me " mentality of commenting that makes someone seem like they actually ARE that. You know what I mean.
    One time I made some crafty thing and a few of the comments were like, " Holy crap! That is seriously the best thing I've ever seen in my life!!!!"
    So the next guy that goes to comment feels grossed out and weird about even commenting after all that gushing.
    And that's what LMM gets....gush gush gush.
    And, of course she does! She is beautiful and knows how to make herself look as good as she can. But we all do that! I'm certainly not going to post photos of myself after a night of little sleep after forgetting to wash my mascara off. I post the photos I think are pretty.
    So, while I get that this comment is not kind, I really hope that what's behind the comment can be resolved. It sounds desperate and sad.

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  3. I LOVE THIS POST!.... Bella--you said it all girl and i think many of us feel the same way! <3

    ps email me i got a quick question to ask ya! <3

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  4. You make such great points here. I think we bloggers are so competitive and we fall to the temptation to compare ourselves all the time. I deleted my last blog just a few weeks ago because I was trying so hard to make my life look so perfect there, like everyone else's. The reality was, it was so far from that! Troubles with my relationship which ended in February, struggles with depression and anxiety that I have had my whole life, financial problems, and on and on... It's so easy to seem perfect. But no one is. I think social media unfortunately perpetuates these myths of perfection and makes us more prone to compare, which is too bad. We DO need to pull together and really support each other and remember that what we see on a blog or Facebook page are just TINY GLIMPSES into someone's life!

    I love that you were so compassionate to the anonymous commenter, too. Bella, you are just awesome. I hate it when someone drops a mean comment and then EVERYONE attacks them! It always makes me think: Whoa! We don't like what they're doing, and now we're doing it to them. And in a pack! LOL. I don't print negative comments for that very reason - why bother, anyway? I think an angry or hurtful comment is just someone lashing out at a stranger in order to release the buildup of negative emotions in them. So yeah - they deserve a kind thought, even if they are mean.

    You rock, Bella, you really do.

    P.s. I'm totally jealous of your blog! LOL. I don't know how to design them very well and wish I could do more with mine. Someday I will learn!

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  5. We like positive posts for the same reason we like positive comments:) Thanks for mentioning one of my comments, wow, I'm glad it made a difference to you:)And thumbs up for the heart touching post!;)
    Magda

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  6. Bella your awesome, wonderful, supportive, real, beautiful, funny AND I miss the poops outta you!!! I'll be back in the game soon! :)

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  7. You are such a wonderful kind heart and I just love you!

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  8. Well i looked at your blog and thought dang, thats an awesome looking blog :) Thanks for the honest and real and raw post. Mucho appreciated.

    Josia from EvolutionParenting.com

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  9. Wow...there is a whole lotta HONEST in this post. You have shared so many things in this post that I' also thought but never dared to utter (or type). Way to go for letting it all out and being honest.

    I am not a fan of meanie commenters... Just like i am not a fan of mean people in general. BUT I take all comments with a grain of salt because with blogging, what you see is not always what's real... and just like you said, the person who leaves a nasty comment could be at such a low place in their lives. Who knows.

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Hugs, Bella

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In my spare time I enjoy cooking, and baking. In fact my mother and I have been making cakes for over 30 years. I also love gardening, traveling, and all things crafty. I struggle daily to keep my like organized, along with my never ending battle to keep the house clean. I adore my three kids MOST of the time, and can usually be found doing the mom thing from morning till night. I try to catch a few mommy moments, but those are hard to find in this wonderful life of mine. I am blessed and happy, and am thrilled you stopped by today :)