Since losing my cat, I've felt many things. Guilt being #1.
I still can't believe it happened, so quickly. In a flash he was gone, and there was nothing I could do about it. I still replay those moments in my head, and every time I back my car out of that driveway, I shutter, and every time I see the spot where he took his last breath I lose mine.
The night that it happened, my youngest son woke me up at around 3am to tell me, very CLEARLY that Tiger was NOT dead, that he woke up, was walking, AND was very much alive.
It was weird, I can't really explain it. When everything happened earlier that day, he didn't want any part of it, he acted like nothing had happened. I thought he just didn't understand.
That night though, he dreamt of Tiger. He was the one to to see him "wake up in HEAVEN"????
Why not, that sounded pretty good to me :)
It made me cry, he hugged me, and told me everything was ok. Then he told me that even a big bear couldn't hurt Tiger anymore, lol. I told him he was right. Tiger was safe, FORVER, and EVER.
It's been strange not having him around. Everyone has felt his absence. My mom misses him terribly, and she never really cared for animals much, but he was special!!
Here's my big question to all of you....
Am I traitor, that literally the next day after this happened, even with all my grief, and crying, and guilt, all I could think about was getting another little kitten?
I have been wanting to go to the shelter and pick one up SOOOO badly, and have been waiting to do it. Is it too soon, does it mean that I loved Tiger any less? I just know I want another one, maybe two, and I can't wait to hold that little kitty in my hands, and cuddle with it, and make all kinds of new happy memories with it.
Gosh, I can't wait!!!
Also I wanted to say THANK YOU soooo much for all your incredibly messages, you all are so awesome. Every one of them just made me feel at peace, and loved, and if Tiger could read, I'm sure he would be on cloud nine now too, purring away, and rubbing all over you with gratitude. Truly, I am so thankful for all the kind words, they all made me feel much better.
Love you all, and I'll be back this week with some pics of MY NEW HOUSE, that I simply can't wait to move into, because then I can go get my new kitty, among all kinds of other things, I am so excited about. Life is good, even when tragedy strikes, I guess there's always a silver lining somewhere.
Believe it or not, I learned an important truth about myself with Tigers death. That's a LONG story, but I really think I know WHY it HAD to be ME. By letting go of him, I had to let go of many things in my life that weren't very healthy for me, and just realizing those things, has made the world of difference in my life. I've tried very hard this past month to reflect on many things, and hopefully things will continue to look up for me from now on.